Today I saw that Pat Monahan made a new entry to his blog, so I read it. And I cried. He was talking to me (Well, I wish). The whole thing was about problems in relationships and the whole "golden rule" thing. We may treat others how we would want to be treated, but that doesn't mean it's how THEY want to be treated. That's very hard. Very, very hard.
Years ago, Oprah (who makes me want to ingest a bottle of bleach through a silly-straw) said "Don't expect people to love you how you want to be loved.". There is no one in my life who totally loves me how I want to be loved. Not my husband. Not my kids. Not my closest friends.
And really, how could they? When I think about how socially and emotionally clumsy I am, It becomes very clear that I probably do a bad job at loving people how they want to be loved. Lots of times I don't even love them how *I* want to be loved.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't know if it can be fixed. I don't even know if I can do better at it, short of handing out a survey.
This grieves me, because love is the thing that is most important to me. Money is helpful, good health is amazing, looking good is enjoyable, but it's love that really matters. And I don't know how to properly give or recieve it. Oftentimes, that knowledge is more painful than anything physical. I guess the best any of us to do is to try...and fail...and try again.
In other news, I had bacon this morning. Yeah...'Surpise!'. I had it mixed with scrambled eggs, cheese and left over beans from El Pollo Loco. It sounds and looks like cat vomit. It tasted amazing. But I couldn't look at it while I ate it.
Today Is Doug Adamsons Birthday. I know Doug From Church...he also teaches at one of the local elementary schools. I mention him today, because he is one of those people who inspires me. He has dealt with struggles and health issues that make mine look meager, yet he is one of the most positive, good-hearted people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. His wife Patty (who is the librarian at the same school) is so amazingly thoughtful and very openly affectionate. I love these people and am so grateful for them; they inspire me to try harder and do better.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember : go easy on others, you never can tell what they're going through.
Daph
Some great thoughts above, Daphne. I completely agree with you about Doug and Patty.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking of Stephen R. Covey when I read what you say about loving people the way they WANT to be loved. He has (for example) some great stories about parents finding out what their kids are interested in and then acting in a really different manner in light of their new knowledge.
I also connect your thoughts in my mind with one of the Seven Habits he teaches: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Both halves are important. The goal is two-way communication. This one doesn't come naturally to me.
Some of Covey's ideas about "building an emotional bank account" are also helpful when one accidentally "draws on the account" of a family member or friend by doing "a bad job at loving people how they want to be loved." Although I have a feeling that you are beating yourself up a little bit too much here. Remember that you are one of the people you're supposed to love in a profoundly growth-promoting way.