As many (all) of you have noticed, I struggle with dark moods, and being positive can be nearly painful at certain times. I hate it. I have a nice life, I have a wonderful family and great friends. I know in my logical mind that I have so much less to be bummed about than so many others, yet I feel like I'm trapped in a big box, with no light and very little air.
As I wandered through my house and cried this morning, I tried to think of how I could write in my blog today and have it be real, but not totally whiney and ungrateful and annoying. The thought that came to me was : Jennifer. Yes, Jennifer.
Jennifer Baisch is one of my closest and dearest friends in the universe...one of the reasons for that is because she has some really crazy thinking processes.
Years and years ago, Jen was suffering from some terrible health issues; she was very sick and in horrible pain. One day I asked Jen how she was doing, and her response was one of the best I ever heard:
" I don't have lice and my feet don't hurt, so I guess I'm doing okay. "
I don't know how she came up with those particular problems to measure her well being against, but it made sense to me.
Most of us have heard the story of holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom. Corrie and her sister Betsie were incarcerated in Ravensbruck and lived in a Barracks that was so thick with fleas and lice that the gaurds refused to enter. No guards meant less abuse. Every day, those two women thanked God for the fleas. What an amazing attitude to have. I once had a flea infestation in my apartment and until the problem was solved, I hated to go home....it was horrible. The thought of being grateful for an infestation that had to be a thousand times worse is humbling.
So, I have to wonder what heartache my current struggles are saving me from. Were I healthy and financially stable, would I be worse off than I am now? Quite possibly. I may never know.
I do know that I don't have lice and my feet don't hurt nearly as bad as they did yesterday, so I guess I'm doing okay.
This is a very insightful post. Your analysis of the difference between what your logical mind tells you and what you feel may be a key to making things better in the long run.
ReplyDeleteMy piano teacher nearly died of rheumatic fever when her daughter, my best friend, was a toddler. She used to say that if you had the strength to talk or to think about something other than staying alive, you were doing O.K. Remind me to tell you her Danish pioneer story.