Just a bunch of Jibber Jabber...

Today I saw that Pat Monahan made a new entry to his blog, so I read it. And I cried. He was talking to me (Well, I wish). The whole thing was about problems in relationships and the whole "golden rule" thing. We may treat others how we would want to be treated, but that doesn't mean it's how THEY want to be treated. That's very hard. Very, very hard.
Years ago, Oprah (who makes me want to ingest a bottle of bleach through a silly-straw) said "Don't expect people to love you how you want to be loved.". There is no one in my life who totally loves me how I want to be loved. Not my husband. Not my kids. Not my closest friends.
And really, how could they? When I think about how socially and emotionally clumsy I am, It becomes very clear that I probably do a bad job at loving people how they want to be loved. Lots of times I don't even love them how *I* want to be loved.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't know if it can be fixed. I don't even know if I can do better at it, short of handing out a survey.
This grieves me, because love is the thing that is most important to me. Money is helpful, good health is amazing, looking good is enjoyable, but it's love that really matters. And I don't know how to properly give or recieve it. Oftentimes, that knowledge is more painful than anything physical. I guess the best any of us to do is to try...and fail...and try again.
In other news, I had bacon this morning. Yeah...'Surpise!'. I had it mixed with scrambled eggs, cheese and left over beans from El Pollo Loco. It sounds and looks like cat vomit. It tasted amazing. But I couldn't look at it while I ate it.
Today Is Doug Adamsons Birthday. I know Doug From Church...he also teaches at one of the local elementary schools. I mention him today, because he is one of those people who inspires me. He has dealt with struggles and health issues that make mine look meager, yet he is one of the most positive, good-hearted people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. His wife Patty (who is the librarian at the same school) is so amazingly thoughtful and very openly affectionate. I love these people and am so grateful for them; they inspire me to try harder and do better.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember : go easy on others, you never can tell what they're going through.
Daph

I'm going slightly mad....

The past few weeks have been something else. I have had some great things happen : Kids going back to school, the Train concert with dear friends, hanging out w/ Jen and Dale, Lunch w/ David Mrava, a visit from the Gallarts, and one from part of the Wilhoites w/ my sweet Sara Greenway, Good stuff. Seriously good stuff. But The stress of the surgery, my mom's illness and oh yeah...frickin poverty... is making me nuts.
I am losing my temper like crazy and crying when listening to Oingo Boingo. Who cries to Oingo Boingo? Is there any funner music (and Carolyn T., I will assume you don't know who they are. LOL).? Probably not.
Sometimes I just feel as if my mind is gone. I question whether my friends are my friends and wonder if I really want to be alive.
I do.
I guess I just don't know how to shake it. Yes, I pray, read scriptures, think happy thoughts, but I remain feeling "off"
Here's part of the issues (my friends who have had drastic changes to their body may understand it. I don't.)
Since gastric bypass, I have lost 170 lbs. Yay. My surgery in June removed 10 lbs of extra skin and fat. I am now smaller tha I was as a teenager. Yay.
But you know what? Not so yay.
I look in the mirror and am not sure who's body that is. I move differently, I wear different clothes, even my pain presents differently. I am grateful for all the improvements, especially the ones that involve health, but I don't feel like me. And it's scarey. I mean, you might as well call me " Martha", cause I'm not Daph.
I don't know what to do about it. Is there anything TO do?
I hope it passes, because it scares me.
On to my other gripe, I'm gonna have to gripe about Maroon 5. Sorry Leah. I recently saw them in concert and from a musical standpoint, they were entertaining, but everything has to be about sex. I'm not anti-sex, I promise, but there's a time and a place. It bugs me (not sex; the way Maroon 5 treats it). The other thing is this: "Won't go home without you" is a great song and I like it alot. I think the bass-line is especially nice....probably because it was WRITTEN BY STING! Remember "Every breath you take"? Yeah, they pretty much poached off of it. They did it legally by changing certain notes (I'm thinking it's every 5th note), but OH MY GOSH! Is the world so sad that we have to steal someone elses bass line? Really?
Yes, that honestly bugs me. And those of you who are Freddie Mercury fans will call me a loser because the title of this entry was swiped directly from a queen song.
So, there are my thoughts. Not really worth the time you took to read it, but it is what it is.
Good night.