The past few weeks have been something else. I have had some great things happen : Kids going back to school, the Train concert with dear friends, hanging out w/ Jen and Dale, Lunch w/ David Mrava, a visit from the Gallarts, and one from part of the Wilhoites w/ my sweet Sara Greenway, Good stuff. Seriously good stuff. But The stress of the surgery, my mom's illness and oh yeah...frickin poverty... is making me nuts.
I am losing my temper like crazy and crying when listening to Oingo Boingo. Who cries to Oingo Boingo? Is there any funner music (and Carolyn T., I will assume you don't know who they are. LOL).? Probably not.
Sometimes I just feel as if my mind is gone. I question whether my friends are my friends and wonder if I really want to be alive.
I do.
I guess I just don't know how to shake it. Yes, I pray, read scriptures, think happy thoughts, but I remain feeling "off"
Here's part of the issues (my friends who have had drastic changes to their body may understand it. I don't.)
Since gastric bypass, I have lost 170 lbs. Yay. My surgery in June removed 10 lbs of extra skin and fat. I am now smaller tha I was as a teenager. Yay.
But you know what? Not so yay.
I look in the mirror and am not sure who's body that is. I move differently, I wear different clothes, even my pain presents differently. I am grateful for all the improvements, especially the ones that involve health, but I don't feel like me. And it's scarey. I mean, you might as well call me " Martha", cause I'm not Daph.
I don't know what to do about it. Is there anything TO do?
I hope it passes, because it scares me.
On to my other gripe, I'm gonna have to gripe about Maroon 5. Sorry Leah. I recently saw them in concert and from a musical standpoint, they were entertaining, but everything has to be about sex. I'm not anti-sex, I promise, but there's a time and a place. It bugs me (not sex; the way Maroon 5 treats it). The other thing is this: "Won't go home without you" is a great song and I like it alot. I think the bass-line is especially nice....probably because it was WRITTEN BY STING! Remember "Every breath you take"? Yeah, they pretty much poached off of it. They did it legally by changing certain notes (I'm thinking it's every 5th note), but OH MY GOSH! Is the world so sad that we have to steal someone elses bass line? Really?
Yes, that honestly bugs me. And those of you who are Freddie Mercury fans will call me a loser because the title of this entry was swiped directly from a queen song.
So, there are my thoughts. Not really worth the time you took to read it, but it is what it is.
Good night.
You're right. But at least I've heard of Oingo Boingo. Is that a step toward awareness of popular culture?
ReplyDeleteI can understand being irritated by certain music. I know I am. But remember, nobody's perfect.
And nobody has a perfect body, Martha. But seriously, Daphne, is there a way to think of the changes in your body as an opportunity for learning rather than as a change in your identity?
Concerning poverty, I was kind of moved by reading the words here in time with the singing on the video at end of post. Even though I think I can imagine a better performance.
p.s.: Interesting how problems seem to all hit at once sometimes. Saw your Mom yesterday. She was doing MUCH better. Though going through something as scary as her recent crisis can bring emotions to the surface for a while afterward.
ReplyDeleteOh, and concerning the relentless bass line used by Sting and "borrowed" by Maroon 5: Maybe it has "passed into the stylebook"sort of like the iconic Boogie Woogie walking bass which you can learn in order to transform just about any music in a suitable key signature into a Boogie Woogie piece (or to write your own Boogie Woogie Stomp). This bass line has its roots in Ragtime.