Jumping in with both feet.

     So, Daph has decided to become a blogger. What the crap is up with that? I'm not sure that anyone other than myself will want to read this. I don't think that I'll want to read this. But (and as my son's teacher says "everybody has a big but") I have to do something. It might as well be this.
     Those who know me will agree that my street smarts way outrank my book smarts. It's true and I'm okay with that. I can fake my way through most situations and oftentimes, many people will still not know that I'm a total dork. this is a good thing.
There are a few things that I think I am an expert at, however, and I will list them in the order of importance:
1. Bacon. I am a fat girl. Fat girls love bacon.
2. Pain. I don't love that so much, but it is a constant companion and it does bring a perspective to my life that a pain free person doesn't have.
Obviously, I prefer the bacon.

     Oddly enough, bacon has been a fickle friend lately. Or, I guess I have. I actually picked it out of my homemade split pea soup today. I haven't eaten a single piece in 4 or 5 days. Most people would call that good heart health. The people in my life are calling it strange and are considering worrying. I take comfort in the fact that I have 4 lbs of the stuff in my house and it is patiently waiting to serve me.
     I've been thinking a lot about White Chocolate Chip Cookies with Bacon. I am NOT a huge fan of White Chocolate. I don't hate it....it has it's uses....I just prefer the real stuff. But, it's not something I've done before and I'm curious. I can't imagine it tasting bad, it will be loaded with BACON, which is some mighty heavy duty flavor insurance. I mostly wonder about how it will look. Will the creamy whiteness of the chips make the bacon look delicious, or creepy? We must think about those things. If the answer is 'yes', then the chips will have to go. I can't sacrifice my bacon for chocolate that isn't really chocolate. It is pretend chocolate. White chocolate is a liar (but again, it has it's uses...like several people in my life who are even BIGGER liars).

     As I sit here typing this, I feel like someone has taken a pair of weenie pinchers (people with manners call them tongs... which is why I call them weenie pinchers) and is squeezing my left shoulder and part of my neck (and since I'm not a petite girl, I guess it would require 2 pairs of pinchers). This is a common pain and it started before I was diagnosed with the fibro or osteomalacia. It ticks me off because it seems to show up when I'm doing something I love: writing, reading, goofing around on the computer, etc... I guess it has to do with the way I hold my body when I do these things. I think of it as my "buzzkill pain" because it hauls it's nasty self right over to me at the first sign of enjoyment. Lame.

     I actually see my pain as a being. It is as much a part of my life as my dog or my stove or my love for that sexy scar on Pat Monahans chin. It is real and ever present. It is with me everyday and it seems to have moods, just like the rest of the world. Besides seeing it as a  being, I see it as a fixture...my pain is a punishing piece of furniture that I am stuck in all day. It's like when you stupidly decide to wear shorts to the Dr.s office and you are left sitting in an ugly green vinyl chair for 90 minutes. What feels worse...the fact that you are sweaty and stuck to the thing, or the broken spring that is going up your butt? Welcome to my world.

     So, you have now taken your first trip into my mind. Yes...it's an empty place. Sorry about that. I don't know how often I'll write. Maybe I'll be back here in 12 hours, so excited to say something that I'm willing to face the weenie pinchers. Maybe I will wake up in the morning and be so embarrassed by what I've written that I take it down right away(or when I get to it. I mean, the damage has already beed done, right?).
Goodnight.